Originally published in the Galactic Enquirer (I Don't Care What You Smell)
JEDI UPSTART IS SITH LORD'S BENEFICIARY!
HEROIC DEATH - OR VILE ASSASSINATION?
by MJ Mink
In a disclosure that stunned the galaxy, the Imperial Court of Justice
announced this week that billions of credits have been willed to the self-proclaimed
"Jedi", notorious rebel terrorist Luke Skywalker, by the Empire's late
Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader! Vader's entire estate on Imperial Center,
plus his vast holdings of property, controlling interests in multi-planetary
corporations, and an undisclosed amount of credits - believed to surpass
the 20 billion mark - are all designated to be transferred to the young
Skywalker, a former farmer, has denied any knowledge of the reasons behind
Vader's surprise move, and Alliance insiders say he's being characteristically
evasive. The inheritance is causing speculation in Enforcement circles,
however, and one official who declined to be identified confided, "We're
looking into the true cause of Lord Vader's death. The story of his heroic
demise while attempting to protect our beloved Emperor Palpatine is very
likely a hoax. Skywalker may have used his 'Force' powers to coerce our
Lord into changing his will - and then murdered him! People will do anything
for credits. That money rightfully belongs in the Imperial Treasury!"
It will be remembered that no evidence remained after the destruction of
the Imperial Strategic Defense Star by a small band of terrorists, so Imperial
advocates are expected to argue that there is no proof that Lord Vader
is deceased. It is also expected that the Imperial Court will retain custody
of the credits and the remainder of the estate until such a determination
is made. But in the meanwhile, Skywalker is enjoying a life of luxury and
ease among his terrorist companions, where is he lauded as the murderer
of our heroic leader, Lord Darth Vader.
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